"NEGOTIATE YOUR WAY TO SUCCESS"

By Pauline Field

Customer: "But I only want two delivered this month, and the balance at 3 a month for the next six months".

Vendor: "I'm sorry, it's our policy to give discounts only on single shipment orders" Customer: "Well, in that case, just forget the order. Cancel it."

Vendor: "Okay."

Does this conversation sound familiar? Whether dealing with vendors, customers, staff or our own personal relationships, we negotiate every day. Every decision we make involves a negotiation, whether it is as simple as asking a volunteer to work at certain hours, or as complex as the structuring of a business partnership.

That we don't negotiate much is one of the many myths we labor under and that keeps us from achieving all we might.

I will briefly go over a few of them and then take a look at the basic concepts of negotiating and show you how you might practice the concepts and become skillful in their use.

Myth 1: We rarely negotiate.

We negotiate with things and with people.

We negotiate our way through the traffic during rush hour to get home as fast as we can

We negotiate with our friends, our lovers, our spouses and our children

We negotiate with the mechanic at the service station and with the plumber; with the bank manager and with our volunteers

We negotiate with hospital administration and with the customers.

So we have to look at not whether we should negotiate, or whether we do, but rather how we are doing it.

Myth 2: To be successful, I must win all the time.

If you are crushed when you don't get exactly what you want, when you want it. What you don't realize is that to have gotten this far in life you must have 'lost' at some point. When we learn to walk, we don't just get up one day and walk, we fall down a lot first before we master it. The same when we learned to talk, it took us a while to get our brain and lips and mouth all coordinated to say the words we want to say to communicate the thoughts, ideas and feelings we wanted to get across.

Thomas Edison can hardly be considered a failure, yet he 'failed' over 10,000 times to invent the light bulb before he actually did. But do we remember his failures? Or his success? How about Abraham Lincoln. From backwoods boy to President was a journey that was strewn with failures and setbacks. John Creasey, an English author, received no less than 753 rejections before he went on to publish 564 books. Someone once said to me that when you fall flat on your face, at least it is forward motion! So, paraphrasing the words of the famous song, pick yourself up, brush yourself off and start over again.

We need to ask ourselves when we lose, what did we lose? And when we win, what did we win? If we have taken two steps forward and half a step back, then we have definitely not lost. We need to merely check off our losses, add up our wins and move on.

"I have to cover myself in this negotiation, otherwise he'll win everything and I'll be left with nothing".

Win-lose negotiations, where one person wins and the other loses, is not the only possible result of a negotiation. Looking at the opening example I am sure you thought of many other ways that could have been handled so that both vendor and buyer could have had their needs satisfied.

When a volunteer works for you, whether it is for an hour or four hours, both the volunteer and you are winners. You could not run the gift shop without the assistance of your volunteers, and they get the benefit of knowing they are doing something for the community.

So it doesn't have to be that for me to win, you must lose.

In the first example, two assumptions may have been made that caused the problem:

The buyer assumed that the vendor just wanted the highest price possible and cared not a bit for the customer; and the vendor assumed that like all other customers this one just wanted to get the most for the least amount of money.

Looking from a more collaborative approach, it is useful to acknowledge that our goals are not always aligned. In this case the buyer has to worry about storage and cash outlay; the vendor is concerned about all the extra bookwork involved that would eat up extra profits.

When we are in a negotiation when we look at what the other's goals might be - both for ourselves and the person or group with whom we are negotiating, other options become apparent. For instance, perhaps there are terms or payment plans - such as a large down payment up-front or small up-front payment with a balloon payment at the end. Maybe delivery schedules or royalties can be considered, and so on.

The problem of assumptions. Negotiating is, by definition, communicating back and forth to reach an agreement. But how well do we communicate? The people in the first example weren't communicating very well; they took the easy or un-thinking route of falling back on assumptions. We don't ask the questions we need to ask, and we don't take the time and effort to listen to what the other person is saying.

Our listening is selective. We filter everything we hear through our emotions, through our judgments, through our experiences. Take a moment in your next conversation and notice that like most of us, you start to formulate the answer while the other person is still talking. In doing so we miss part of what the other person is saying.

We are also not listening while a million other thoughts are going on in our mind and taking our attention - from what's for dinner to whether to buy that new car now or later.

Non-verbal communications. The messages we give with our bodies often are in conflict with what we are actually saying. Our 'body language' is mostly sub-conscious, so we are not really aware either of the messages we are sending, or receiving.

On the telephone, because we cannot see those non-verbals, what will helps to improve the accuracy of our communications is asking questions. Don't be afraid to ask "dumb" questions. The only dumb question is the one not asked.

Asking a question or two rather than making an assumption is a good rule of thumb and one that will reap many rewards for you.

An easy way to remember how to better negotiate is to remember two words:

B.E. O.P.E.N.

The six letters that spell those two little words, Be Open, hold within them the secrets of successful negotiations. Perhaps to some of you being open means being weak, or that you have to show your cards before anyone else shows theirs, making yourself vulnerable. That's not what is meant here. I will go through each letter individually and by the time we get to the 'N , I hope that you too will be ready to BE OPEN.

'B' - Be prepared, do your homework, know the facts.

Write down some questions you need answers to, then go find those answers. Here's a few ideas:

How prepared are you in a negotiation?

Do you know the people you are dealing with, Their style, their needs their real and perceived power?

Their strategy?

Their deadline?

How they have negotiated in the past?

Do you have all the background information regarding the point in question?

Are any laws involved, and if so do you know what they are?

What are the policies regarding this issue?

How about prices?

Competition? . and more .

I am going to let you in on a secret: people in general do not prepare for negotiations! Now maybe you're wondering why I am suggesting you prepare if no one else does? Because if you enter the negotiation prepared, you have an advantage right away. You have all the information you need at your fingertips, and you stand a good chance of facing someone who does not, giving you control of the situation.

Back to the opening example, the buyer could have thought out just what he wanted, what options there could be if that was not plausible, and he could have written out a list of questions that could have been asked that would have given him the information necessary to determine a) if what he was asking was appropriate and achievable or b) what a suitable alternative might be that would satisfy the needs of the vendor and themselves.

Take a little extra time to find out the information you need to complete the negotiation - so everyone wins.

'E.' - Emotions.

The fastest way to kill a negotiation is to let emotions get in the way. If you reach an impasse, or if you lose as the opening buyer did, take a look at where your emotions were: was the mercury all the way up the scale? Probably. When we get on the defensive, when we argue, when we have been working on something a long time, when we are involved in any kind of relationship, our emotions are involved. We have an emotional investment in the situation.

How do we solve this problem? Taking time out is often the best way. When we feel we are being emotional about the issue, tell the other person you need to get some coffee, or you will call them back, or you have to leave and will call to set another appointment, or you'll talk about it in the morning. Do whatever the circumstances will allow to leave the negotiation and reschedule.

Give yourself time to think things through, determine your emotional investment and what that means to you and how you can put it aside during the negotiation. Perhaps you will find that you need to have someone else negotiate for you. Or maybe you need to get more questions answers, clarify the facts of the situation.

Emotions might be the problem for the other person. Perhaps you are not the one with the attachment to the issue. Remember, a negotiation should be a win-win, so give them the same opportunity to 'cool off'. Don't take advantage of the other person.

Don't negotiate when you're angry or under the influence of any other emotions. Be prepared, have the facts, and get your emotions out of the way first.

'0' - Objectives and Options.

Objectives

The Roman philosopher Seneca said, "If a man does not know what port he is steering for, no wind is favorable to him".

In negotiations, as in everything else we do, we have to know what we want, and be very clear about it. If you do not have clear objectives, then the other party has the upper hand and can lead you wherever they want to go - which may not be what you really wanted.

Are you prepared to buy those Christmas items in January and have to store them all year, or are you willing to pay a little extra and not have to buy them so early? Do you really want four volunteers at one time, or have you planned the staff you need and intend to stick to that number? Can you go to lunch earlier to accommodate Joe who wants to take a late lunch, or do you need that time to finish your bookwork for the week? By knowing your objective, the negotiation can be quicker and easier. Have you ever asked someone which restaurant they want to go to and they shrug their shoulders and say I don't care? If you also don't care, the negotiation is at a standstill and can be very frustrating. If, however, you know that you want a restaurant that serves non-spicy food, will get you in and out in an hour, is not too noisy or expensive, then you can quickly negotiate a choice of restaurant.

Options.

Sometimes it looks like you have two options, yours and theirs. Either way one of you will have to give up a lot, or you'll both give up what you don't really want to in a compromise situation: so either one of you have lost (win-lose), or you have both lost (lose-lose)

What can be done? If you think of someone who has been out of work for a while and is frantically looking for work to keep a roof over her head, I am sure you will see that her 'options' are fewer than the person who has a job, is looking for another one and already has two offers. When the first job seeker goes for a job she is not coming from a position of strength but the second job seeker already has three options (his present job or either of the two offers), so is really interviewing the job, rather than vice versa.

Look at what options are available to you. You don't accept a volunteer who you deem unsatisfactory because you know there are more 'options', or volunteers, that will be available to you. What about in the opening example? As we discussed, the buyer could have done his or her homework and come up with other options that would have been acceptable, thus giving the buyer the power to create a win-win agreement.

So be sure you have a clear objective of what you want out of the negotiation, and discover all your options. Talk it over with someone else first if you need to or with several other people if it is that important.

'P' - People and power..

There are at least two people in a negotiation: you and the other person. What do you know about this other person? Have you done you homework? Have you found out all you can about this person - how much authority they have, how they negotiated in the past, and so on? Perhaps you can only find out objective information about them such as their position in the company and their title. If so, spend some time with them chatting. Take them out to lunch, talk about what they have been doing over the past year, find out how this negotiation fits into their overall picture of things. Discover if they are aggressive, assertive or rather more of a doormat. Are they the 'know it all ' type, or are they 'game-players'.

The more you know about who you are negotiating with, the better able you will be to create the double-win. Remember, if you win and they lose, they will not forget, so you may have won that battle, but would have lost the overall war - which could mean losing a valuable client, employee or reliable vendor.

Power is sometimes thought of as a 'dirty' word. People do not want to admit that they want power. Most of us do not realize the power we have. Power is simply the ability to get action. Think of all the times you have got things done and look at what part of your power you used.

There is real power and perceived power. If someone comes and points a gun at the side of your head and tells you to do something you know that person has power over you and you had better do what they say.

Most power, however, is perceived. It is what we see and say is power. The buyer has the power of buying from whom they wish. A vendor who is the only vendor of a particular product has power to sell to whom they wish and at the highest price. Parents have power over their children. How do you tap your own power?

First look at your successes. Acknowledge yourself for what you have done. When we are climbing that mountain to our goal, all we see is how high that mountain is; rarely do we do stop to look back and see just how far we have come.

Do that now.

Make a list of your accomplishments in the past year. Now you can see how powerful you are?

Now let's look at some of the things we can use to increase our power. The power of time, for instance. What is your deadline? What is their deadline? By knowing this information in a negotiation, you are ahead of the game. In the opening example the buyer does not know about the deadline the vendor has for getting these items off the shelf but the vendor knows the deadline of the buyer.

The power of the printed word. The items in your store are ticketed with prices. That printed price is rarely questioned. How often do you walk into Sears or J.C. Penney and find a shirt or blouse and say you want 1O% off the price because you are going to pay cash? If you are like most of us, you do not because we assume that the price noted on the ticket is the price we have to pay. Likewise, in the opening example the vendor says, "It's company policy", and can no doubt show the buyer in print so it is not questioned.

The printed, or written word is held as much more powerful than what is said. If you went in to close a contract by just stating the terms, they will in all probability be knocked down and changed all around, but when it is printed, there will be less, if any, changes.

'E' - Environment.

Where should you negotiate? Your place or mine? What difference does it make to the negotiation. Should you meet over lunch, in the office at some other location?

An open, neutral environment can create the setting for win-win situations. If the power seems a little lopsided, you can use the location to gain a little advantage. If you are not sure, for example, whether you are prepared enough, will they throw you a curve that you are not expecting, if you are in their office you can claim that you will have to check with someone or something back at your office (and that might be a person or your calendar, or particular file). It gives you the time and space to retreat and take another look, do some more homework and analyze the situation.

'N' - Needs

Being open in negotiations really means looking at the needs of the other person. We all have wants, state our positions, but what are our real needs? We all have the need to be liked, respected and wanted, to be safe and secure and loved. These needs are the same for you and the person with whom you are negotiating. The vendor in the opening example is as afraid of you, the customer as you are of them. They want to have the best month they have ever had in sales. You want to run a tight ship and have the best gift shop in town.

To discover the real needs, communicate. Ask questions, don't make the hasty assumptions we talked about earlier. Acknowledge the person you are negotiating with. Let them know that you are concerned for their needs as well as your own. BE OPEN.

BE OPEN. Be prepared, keep the emotions out, be sure you have a clear objective and create as many options as you can. Know the people you are dealing with and develop your personal power. Create an environment that supports the negotiation and look for the reel needs in the situation.

Perhaps the opening example would have gone something like this if they had known how to negotiate:

"I have a problem with storage but I want to take advantage of the quantity discount you are offering, so my request to you is that I place an order for 20 items, but have two of them delivered this month and three each month for the next six months. Would that be acceptable?"

"I understand your problem, and perhaps you can understand that we would not be able to bill you separately for these items as that would be too great of a bookkeeping task.

If you will agree to a single billing this month, we can accommodate your delivery schedule." "Certainly, and I thank you for your consideration, Good-bye" "Good-bye".

Published in Hospital Gift Shop Management, August, 1985